PAPER CLIP WINE
AND THE INFIELD FLY RULE
by Thaddeus Quince
(ACT IV - SCENE
XXX)
THE GREAT NORTH WIND
(dressed as a bootblack)
As usual, you've hit
it on the elbow. And with the swiftness of an IT engineer working
hour after hour after hour of overtime. The theme will be "Fun in
the Sun '81" and hats with pictures of extinct birds on the bill -get
it??- will be the fashion of the day.
FLENSE (not amused)
Huh. "Bill." Yeah.
I get it... pfft!
[As FLENSE sneers
and motions obscenely towards the mousy secretary UPSTAGE LEFT, 5
(five) plain-clothes pastry chefs approach him, subdue him vigorously
with a rolling pin and instantly dust him with flour. He is then kneaded
vigorously, shaped into a crust and filled with fresh loganberries.
A lattice-work of dough is placed over the top and he is baked vigorously
at 350 for the better part of an hour. He is then set out on the sill
to cool, vigorously, but is stolen by a family of raccoons who devour
the delicacy without a crumb to spare. Mother storms out onto the
back porch and vigorously shakes a finger in the direction of the
woods. She then gently brushes back a delicate tuft of blond hair...
(everybody now!) vigorously, reties her apron strings and returns
inside. The mousy secretary is seated at the kitchen table enjoying
a cup of coffee and chuckling to herself. Not vigorously, but just
so.]
CURTAIN
[actually, the 50
kiloton bomb under the sink explodes, killing everyone in the theater
and reducing everything within a 5 square mile radius to rubble, and
then...]
CURTAIN
Also in this collection:
- "Aunt Olivia's House"
- "Laser Battle on Giant Mutated Roach World"
- "The Season of Sorrow"
