From "My Missing Links: A Life Unfrozen"
by Tantor (with Arnold Fromberg)

TANTOR INVENT BOOM BOOM

tantor find new friend
tantor plug box into wall
make sure he stand 'em bathtub
cool water will protect against angry sky king
tantor blown straight through transom
tantor on fire run 'em up down hall
tantor want to cool in bathtub but is now afraid
tantor attack 'em room service man
lie down on leaf lettuce garnish
room service man yell at tantor and his melty flesh
tantor rest head on tuna salad 'em sandwich and sleep
tantor awakes
tantor goes back to sleep
tantor awakes again
tantor manager bernie asks what happened 'em to skin
tantor draws story on wall with pickle
manager bernie yelling in hallway
who did 'em this to tantor he screams
work in pickle juice and potato salad as fast as tantor can
manager bernie him no understand
use extra card key to gain entrance to tantor cave
manager bernie shove chubby finger in tantor swollen face
command tantor explain self
tantor needs to write 'em down
manager bernie screams about new kompooter
tantor knows
tantor find new friend
tantor plug box into wall

A Historical Note: This ancient story was repeated 3438 times on a Texas Instruments TI-994A personal computer in Yuvingera, Peru. While skeptics doubt its authenticity, estimating authorship as within the past five minutes, scientists claim that upon carbon dating the hard drive, the story may in fact have origins as early as Match Game '79. Tantor refutes these allegations and doesn't even know what "refute" means.

Also by Tantor:

• "cinnamon burn tantor tongue"
• "tantor late for important date, very late"
• "that no sharpened gazelle bone, that my knife"

Also by Arnold Fromberg:

• "Jimmy Stewart: An American Life"
• "The Loves of Placido Domingo"
• "Medical Staff Training: Filling Out the UB92 Claim Form"