Attention Rubber Bomb
shoppers...
The February 27, 2000
weekly ad circular on page 4 features the Sheepskin 3/4 Sleeve Boatneck
Top, a part of the Trail of Tears Loungewear Group. This item will
not be available due to the manufacturer's inability to ship the product,
due to our inability to pay for the shipment of the product, due to
your inability to pay for the circular we throw into your raingutters
each and every week. We will be unable to replace this style, therefore
rainchecks will not be available. We can give you a matchbook from
Captain Bilbo's if you'd like. We regret any inconvenience this ad
may have caused to your retinas.
CONSUMERS
ARE SHEEP... Uh, that is...
AN
UNBEATABLE OFFER!
Caress them saddlebags
with the smooth cut
of our Rubber Bomb
Commemorative Undies!
They say confidence
makes the man and/or woman and these formfitting beauties give you
all the confidence you need to tell the world, "[your name here] is
here to stay!"
Made of a reasonably
non-irritating poly-nylon blend, our undermentionables are a nearly
similar recreation of the exact same skivvies that General Grant would
have worn were he still alive and ranked number 2 on the LPGA. These
dashing and/or dainty drawers are so durn masculine and/or feminine
that you may* leave the house with nothing else on!
One (1) pair of these
babies would normally run you... I dunno, 15 bucks... But now, via
this special Internet only offer, you can own a pair for... uh, pennies
on the dollar!?
Delay
a little bit! Order yours tomorrow!
* chances of
exiting abode without outer-clothing: 78%. (It could be worse...
like 79%. Or even 84%... or even more!) The manufacturer does not
condone this activity and use of the term "may" does not imply a
grant of permission to do so by said manufacturer. The manufacturer
encourages users of the product to put some damn pants on you freak
and reminds users of the danger of noxious fume release and/or explosion
if product is exposed to heat, friction or excessive force. Product
should not be in any way laundered and dry cleaning is out of the
question. Product should not be used as a flotation device. If not
completely satisfied with this product, return unused portion in
a hermetically sealed envelope for partial refund and a lifetime
of threatening phone calls. Rubber Bomb Commemorative Undies are
not to be worn within the contiguous United States.
